For the People Who Care About You

15/5/2012

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                                             Compassion. Care. Concern.

When you have a migraine, your own pain and suffering are naturally uppermost in your body and mind. Once you understand that you have become an episodic or even a chronic migraineur, you are more aware of the impact that your attacks have on those around you.

Who are these people? They are your spouses or partners, your children, your employer, your colleagues at work, and your friends. Occasionally their reactions to your attacks derive from selfish motives - your difficulties make their lives more complex and they have to make adjustments. 

More often they want to help you overcome what is to them a mysterious affliction - but they don't know how to go to about it. Because someone with long term migraine can't be cured by just going to the doctor (even though the medical system remains a pillar of your support team).

The people who care can't actually see your pain, but they can see the impact it is having, which is your suffering. Since we are responsible for own outcomes, the most important thing you can do to reach out is to communicate with the people who you trust the most. They want to understand your wants and needs, and to be your partner and advocate as you strive to rebuild your life. You don't have to suffer alone.

I have set up a companion program for the people who care you. 
You and they can view it here: /for-family-and-friends.html

Be well, 

Gerry

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To End Suffering in Your Mind

28/3/2012

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Have you ever discovered that the beliefs of other people complement your own? That is what I found in this book.

Toni Bernhard was a flourishing individual who was cut down in mid-life by debilitating illness. She had to learn how to reinvent herself to accommodate her completely changed circumstances.

Her journey – and it was not a straight line – has profound implications for those of us who continue to have migraine despite all known interventions. It also has meaning for anyone who eventually realizes that they will not ‘get better’.

Although Toni’s path originates in a Buddhist framework, it can be explained in lay terms.
The first principle is that suffering or stress is a part of life for everyone, with no exceptions. You need to accept this essential truth before you can work on resolving your own suffering.

The other principles show the path to end suffering in the mind. The latter arises because of our desire for things we want (pleasant ones) or don’t want (unpleasant) – for example, for migraine sufferers these are things we could do before, but can no longer do.

To illustrate this point, a major source of angst for migraine sufferers is uncertainty. People crave certainty and predictability; they want to know what is coming next as much as possible. However, it’s often not possible for us to plan our lives – we make commitments or social plans, and then a migraine strikes without warning.

As long as you realize that you are not alone in your suffering, Toni offers several paths to relieve your mental suffering in the case of uncertainty. You can comfort yourself by comparing your pain to the weather – just as unpredictable, but also subject to eventual change for the better. And if you are feeling overwhelmed with thoughts about your future (“I’ll never get better”) she provides several ways to bring yourself back to the present, including treating yourself with loving kindness and compassion.

The introduction to How to be Sick includes these words:

“…the core challenge in my life, and, I believe, in all of our lives, from beginning to end, is accommodating to realities that we wish were other, and doing it with grace.”

As migraine sufferers, we feel that we have a unique and very difficult challenge. This book will give you valuable techniques to meet it with grace.

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