Have you ever discovered that the beliefs of other people complement your own? That is what I found in this book.

Toni Bernhard was a flourishing individual who was cut down in mid-life by debilitating illness. She had to learn how to reinvent herself to accommodate her completely changed circumstances.

Her journey – and it was not a straight line – has profound implications for those of us who continue to have migraine despite all known interventions. It also has meaning for anyone who eventually realizes that they will not ‘get better’.

Although Toni’s path originates in a Buddhist framework, it can be explained in lay terms.
The first principle is that suffering or stress is a part of life for everyone, with no exceptions. You need to accept this essential truth before you can work on resolving your own suffering.

The other principles show the path to end suffering in the mind. The latter arises because of our desire for things we want (pleasant ones) or don’t want (unpleasant) – for example, for migraine sufferers these are things we could do before, but can no longer do.

To illustrate this point, a major source of angst for migraine sufferers is uncertainty. People crave certainty and predictability; they want to know what is coming next as much as possible. However, it’s often not possible for us to plan our lives – we make commitments or social plans, and then a migraine strikes without warning.

As long as you realize that you are not alone in your suffering, Toni offers several paths to relieve your mental suffering in the case of uncertainty. You can comfort yourself by comparing your pain to the weather – just as unpredictable, but also subject to eventual change for the better. And if you are feeling overwhelmed with thoughts about your future (“I’ll never get better”) she provides several ways to bring yourself back to the present, including treating yourself with loving kindness and compassion.

The introduction to How to be Sick includes these words:

“…the core challenge in my life, and, I believe, in all of our lives, from beginning to end, is accommodating to realities that we wish were other, and doing it with grace.”

As migraine sufferers, we feel that we have a unique and very difficult challenge. This book will give you valuable techniques to meet it with grace.

It has been a signature month, one full of joys for my family and me. It has also taught me lessons about dealing with migraines once again.

It began with the announcement from my older son that he was re-marrying. This event, which would mark his rebirth, would take place just outside New York City and within two weeks!  We combined the trip from Toronto with a drop-in surprise at my son-in-law's 40th birthday party. It was a memorable weekend. 
At the wedding, I abandoned all restraint and got caught up in the feverish dancing. I was determined to celebrate the fact of Richard's transformation into happiness, and I was thrilled that so many other family and friends felt the same about him and his new bride.

As a long-time migraine sufferer, I have a very good idea of my triggers. One of them is avoiding extremes of emotion. (Another is being on an airplane.) At some level, I was aware of these risks when I 'let go' at the wedding. I didn't indulge in forbidden foods or liquor - I did make a deliberate choice, a very human choice, at this life-changing event.
And later in that week, back home, I suffered the consequences. My head and my body had to re-adjust. I accepted the three-day migraine -- it was the quid pro quo for a transcendent evening.

This past weekend there was another celebration - my niece's batmitzvah. The culminating event was a kids' party at a venue featuring loud music and other noises. I wanted to be there to honor her and to be with family members who I don't see often enough. I enjoyed being with them, plus the speeches, plus witnessing the growth of teenagers and young adults who were once babies and children.
I knew the noise would resound with me later on, and sure enough today I had another migraine. I wish that I could enjoy weddings and similar events as much as others, but my noise sensitivity is too great.

This month my headache frequency has been greater than normal, but I made my choices beforehand, and I am at peace with them. Now it is time to re-cultivate that sense of calmness that is my true source of strength.